2. Exercise more trust and faith in one another. Expect your spouse to do right by you. Assume the best about your spouse's thoughts and actions (don't make negative assumptions) .
3. Check things out with each other regularly so false assumptions do not continue to grow unchecked.
4. Make regular deposits into the love bank account of your spouse. For every withdrawal (some sort of negative interaction), make 3 deposits (positive interactions).
5. Know your spouse's love language and speak it. If your spouse feels most loved when given quality time, give them quality time rather than trying to fill their need with some other love language. The five love languages are 1. Physical affection 2. Acts of Service 3. Quality Time 4. Gifts {flowers, cards, high tech gadgets} 5: Words of Encouragement/Praise
6. Actively exercise love and respect no matter how ruffled your feathers. If one spouse is feeling emotionally intense, responding with gentleness, respect, and validation will help bring intensity levels down. If both spouses are emotionally charged, take a break to breathe, think, exercise before coming back to resolve.
7. Avoid lecturing your spouse. Maximizers should try to shorten their words into the bottom line, Minimizers should try to express a little more.
8. Incorporate date nights regularly (once per week or every two weeks) where both spouses talk about anything other than kids, money, and household chores. (In other words - no hot button issues on date night.)
9. Don't let resentments build up over time. Be willing to take an occasional risk and initiate "safety days" sends as needed. Balance this with speaking encouragingly and positively the rest of the time.
10. Remember that both spouses will have differing values and differing ideas about how to parent children. This is okay children need to be exposed to both types of parenting styles and strict styles versus laid back styles will balance each other out over time. Keep in mind that our own childhood emotions can be activated surrounding parenting issues and take steps to insure that both spouses learn how to connect with, discipline, and care for each child based on their personality type.
Every parent screws up and needs to be given grace by our spouses. Every parent will make mistakes - the most important part for the emotional health of the child - is to say "sorry" and literally ask forgiveness from the child when you mess up. This models healthy-behavior for the child and we know that the best way to teach children is to model desired behaviors and attitudes.
11. Have fun, take at LEAST two "honeymoons" per year (just get away as a couple for a night or two without the kids).
